Where is my mind... Today?

My mind is so very fickle. I can't seem to make up my mind about almost anything. I am constantly calling into question my thoughts and feelings about things. Some of these things are simple, and just annoying that it causes me mental turmoil. Such as,"should I wear pants or shorts?". After I have established the bottom that covers my legs I now am faced with the more daunting question of button up or T shirt. Plain or flannel, V or crew neck. A truly terrible first world problem.

Throughout the day when I am not worrying about the simple choices my mind wanders to the bigger picture questions. I often find myself in very intense internal discussions such as is there a god, why is there so much pain and suffering, what is the afterlife, if not a penis then what do girls have?

As of late I have been spent a lot of time thinking and wondering about god, but what I have really been thinking about is prayer. I find an interesting beauty in the thought of people crying out, hoping that they will be healed or be forgiven. I think of people solemnly bowing their heads and thanking god for the safe arrival of a loved one, and I smile. I like to listen to people pray, I am honored when people include me in their prayer groups or circles. I cannot however find the words or reasons to pray on my own. I almost feel awkward as if me and god dated and it ended badly. Perhaps I should just spend time listening and quieting my thoughts and that is what I will call my prayers.

This is not me crying out for help because a crisis of faith. I am not pretending to be some sort of theologist. I am actually quite happy with my spiritual health at this point, but as in every aspect of my life, I hope that I am always trying to better myself. I know I have so far to go in so many areas, some just require less blood, sweat and tears.

"life is the most wonderful gift"

-Amo

The early hours of the Logan morning.

Well I am sitting at my laptop thinking away at 4:38 in the morning. I purchased my plane ticket to send me to the land of Boggsville. Yes thats right folks I am yet again going to be Boggy Bound. I am so happy that I am going to be accompanied by my room mate and good friend Thomas. He is going to do so awesome. It is going to be amazing to embrace all of my wonderful Florida family. I can't wait to see  how the adventure team is doing this year with my older bro rocking it. I am going to get to have hung out with my BFF in three states yeah thats right. I am stoked that I am going to hopefully see my campers from last year. It is going to be a wonderful reunion. Well I apologize that this was a very boring post. Oh but I will end by saying read these books: Born Standing Up by Steve Martin and "squirrel seeks chipmunk" by David Sedaris. They were both enjoyable from beginning to end. Go to your local library and check them out.

Wonderful sunny day.

Today is turning out to be such a fun day. It is summer time the birds are singing, Tom and Colter picked a bucket full of ripe cherries. Dallin and Molly are here to visit which is always awesome. I am reading David Sedaris "squirrel seeks chipmunk". It is fantastic, I love his writing. I have come up with a few goals for myself that are actually tracable:
1- Call on the telephone at least 2 friends a week that I don't get to see to often. This is something I have wanted and needed to do for a long time.
2- Not watch more than 1-2 hours of netflix a day.  It is so easy to watch your whole day away.
3- Read a book a week.
I think these are some great things to aspire to. Well I have said it before and I will say it again, I am so lucky; I don't know why I am but I am gonna try to be grateful for everything.

"some birds feathers are to bright to be caged, I know I'm not that colorful but a bird just the same".

It was the best of times it was the... Blurst of times.

Well today is a lazy day so I thought I would do another blog post. Yesterday me, Andrew, Colter and Ally played some intense foursquare down in the parking lot. It was so dang fun, its amazing how a simple child's game can be so fun. Then we went inside and we had a great talk about kindness. It is such a simple goal but for some reason it is so hard just to be kind all of the time. I am gonna work on being kind, it is more important to be kind than to be clever. I find myself judging other people who live different life styles than me and in particular people my age who have children. It is shallow and I really  need to work on taking a step in someone else's shoes. There is more than one path to happiness and people don't need to share mine. If they want to they are totally welcome, but life is more interesting when you are finding your own. Well today we have a staff BBQ at work which should be fun. Hopefully get to know some people at work better. I'm bringing oreo's which is a lame copout to making a desert but hell everybody loves em. Well I better go shower. I'm am proud to say I use ladies body wash. It moisturizes my skin and I smell like delicious vanilla. Well have a splendid day.


"no man knows my history"

Ammo

It's not a diet it's a live it.

Alright soul friends many many updates. Though they might not be too exciting I am enjoying them. So first of all I have to say that I am so damn lucky for my roommates. I live in a house full of health conscious men. I am learning so much about healthy life styles and it is changing my life, I am not blowing that out of proportion at all. I have started eating healthy all natural foods, I eat about 80% vegetarian. My body feels amazing. I feel that for 23 years I was poisoning my body and I did not even know it. Putting things into your body that help you rather than hinder you makes the most amazing difference in your life. I feel that unhealthy foods things full of saturated fats, sugar, high fructose corn syrup and things of that nature should have warning labels on them like cigarettes and alcohol. I think that Americans even though they "know", about what they should and should not eat they just are not aware of how unhealthy what they are eating is. I heard on the radio that 1 in 3 Americans has diabetes.  I don't know maybe I am just too much of a dreamer but I think all Americans should be able to eat healthy. Its amazing what it does to your mental health.
         Also I can see that so many people that I care about are doing wonderful. In the last few weeks I talked to my best friends one in Florida and one in Iceland, and can I say they are kicking life ass and taking names. I am going to be an uncle 2nd time around soon and that I cannot wait for. From what I can see online Camp Boggy Creek seems to have one amazing staff this year and those wonderful children are very lucky. Also my room mate Tom has decided to start to play the guitar and I have been able to help him with that as he is helping me with my healthy life style changes. It is so awesome to watch him enjoy learning the guitar and it has also helped me see that I have really come along way in my playing. Man that guitar is a lot of fun.
          Alright back to Ammo. So I have decided to start college in december if all goes well and I get accepted. I am going to apply to Utah State and the University of Utah. Hopefully I will get accepted into one of those two institutions and will be able to finish my bachelors and then move on to even greater things. I am planning on studying psychology and then moving on to graduate school but that is quite a ways into the future and I just want to continue to think about how awesome things are going right now and stay focused on that.
           Well my mom and her BFF are gonna be in Logan on friday so that will be awesome to get to see them and have lunch. I guess I don't really have anything else to say.


"Don't think twice its alright"

Why Hello

Well it has been a few days since my last entry so I will catch up on what has been happening. I went hiking for the second time in Logan and again it was just absolutely beautiful. Cache Valley is this weird pocket of perfection. It is hot during the day but always sunny, then at night it is cool enough to wear a sweatshirt and have a fire if you so please. We had a fire at the house last night actually. Even though I had to call it a night early to go to work, it was quite fun to sit, and enjoy the warmth of the embers; and the warmth of good friends. Me, Thomas and Chris went to Ogden yesterday to do some fingerprinting for a volunteer opportunity that will be coming our way at the end of July. We had such an interesting discussion about politics and culture that we missed our turn off and got lost. However we found our way and got the job accomplished. I bought Steve Martin's autobiography and have been reading that the last couple of days. I would highly recommend it to anyone. He has such an ability to be funny, heartfelt, poignant and honest that he is easily my favorite Human Being. If there is anything that I learn from watching, reading and listening to Steve Martin is the importance of honesty in all parts of your life. Well I think it is time for me to take a really long nap.

"Do the right thing and know the right thing to do".

P.S. I am so excited that I might be getting to eat some delicious Cuban food in the near future.

-Ammo

Cache Valley

I really like Cache Valley. I think that out of everywhere I have lived this is my favorite place. I feel like I am in a real good spot right now for personnel growth. Even when you are on top of your game and things are going great you still have to face up to your demons. Personnel acceptance seems to be something a lot of people from my generation struggle with. I feel that the easiest goals are usually the hardest to reach.

I had a very interesting day today, it was a very good example of a day in the life of Ammo. I woke up and felt great made some coffee had a good breakfast then I went to the library and found a book on baking I would like to read, then I connected with a doctor that I am going to work with and seems to be a good fit. I got home made some lunch and laid around for a little while. Then me and Colter went out to Uncle Boyd's farm and chopped some thistles. Up till this point the day was great. I have so many things I want to accomplish and to improve at. I want to start playing some solo shows round Logan area. I want to learn to bake. I wanna hike at least twice a week. I want to continue to get in better shape. I want to learn more about eating healthy. I always want to Improve my Guitar playing.

Well I guess the thing I learned or just realized is that no matter how great the gifts in life you are given you will still have to deal with your demons. Though I don't want to deal with them and they are just pieces of shit, they are not going away, I don't think I will ever completely get rid of them but maybe just to learn to live together.

"Don't be where the puck is, be where the puck is going to be".

Hmmmmm

Well it is the 10th of June. I a have become a nocturnal beast. I work the grave shift and when I get home I cannot sleep. It seems that my sleeping trouble will follow me. I have been playing a fair of guitar lately and mostly what I have been playing are ole timey blues, and string band songs. I has been so fun but I wish there were more people who loved and appreciated some of the music that I do. However it is just awesome that it is there for me to enjoy. I get paid tomorrow morning which is gonna be awesome because I have a few books that I want to procure. 1. A recipe book for healthy whole grain baking. 2. A hiking guide to Logan Utah. Thats the most of it.

Beware the Jaberwok my son.

P.S. I think I am gonna start looking into Kayaks...

New Utah

Alright so I have decided to start a blog. I don't know how long this will last but I am hoping that for at least a while I will keep it up. I just moved to Utah and I am so lucky. I don't know if the word blessed is the right term to use but I really am. Well this summer is going to be the summer of Ammo. That means hiking, camping, making new friends, working on shortcomings, writing music, writing anything, writing this blog, working hard, trying to be kinder. There is a lot to accomplish and try but here we go...